If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize