ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
