it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
