He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
