last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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