The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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