I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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