he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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