Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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