Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Let's get the cat blown out
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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