I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
