no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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