Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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