I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
