Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
