You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
In America we eat man semen.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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