No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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