if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
