In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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