i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
