tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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