You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
