We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
