I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
