he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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