If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
