I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
