My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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