Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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