She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
