He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
