She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
