I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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