I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
bring money and cleavage
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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