Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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