It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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