You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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