Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
