Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
