I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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