Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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