I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
