im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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