no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
