either way he was missing a nipple.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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