His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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