I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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