ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
