someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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