My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
