Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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