i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize