So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
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We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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