So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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