I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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