Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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