i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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