I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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