A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
