I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
