She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
