I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
