so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
